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Written by Ophelia J. Harper IV
May 10, 2009 @ 11:21pm
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I'm not the type to be churchie so let me talk from the heart.
It puzzles me... the elements of love, whether it's friends with benefits, someone you're dating, or someone you want to give your heart to. Regardless of all of that, i have come to the conclusion that love is a simple concept, but people make it complex and complicated. There are those who will cross your path in order to bring the needed experiences of the romantic sense for the sake of learning a lesson of life, as well as the benefits of companionship. Then there are the very few that provides us with long term connections, in order to nurture your character.
As a young woman who does not deal with the issues of marriage and children, I am not free of any frustrations regarding this love thing. The issues are different, but neither is greater than the other. Just to date someone becomes ridiculous. I'm a attractive plus size woman, stylish and lady-like. Regardless of my size, I get my share of attention, and I have a hand-full of admirers, but somehow trying to keep it simple, clear and honest is not reciprocated.
Surprising to some men I encounter, I strive to be a woman who lives by some old school values, when it comes to men and women. I believe that God made a man to lead and provide, and God created a woman to lift and build up. I also believe that a woman's tenderness should be shown to all the men in her life through kindness, regardless if that's your "boo" or not. I don't mind catering to a man who would not take my attention for granted. I believe in picking your battles carefully, because proving a point is not more important than a good relationship with someone I care about. Unfortunately, i have come across the same 4 types of men... the night crawler, the wounded traveller, the player, and the settler.
The Night Crawler:
He's what i call "the secret lover". He makes the booty calls in the late hour. He doesn't want to romance you, get to know much about you, or even be seen in the public with you. He just want the goodies and crawl into the unknown.
The Wounded Traveller:
He's the man that you want to rescue, because he was hurt by his last relationship, or by several bad connections, but he won't let you close enough to even dress the wounds. He rather hold up the invisible wall, in fear of being wounded again. There is no winning until HE decides to get up out of the wreckage of pain... you have no control of when.
The Player:
He's the man in a "situation" or better yet to say a relationship, whether it's with a girlfriend, wife, or several juggling prospects. He is questioning everything, curious about what you have to offer, yet still emotionally unavailable to make something happen. You feel the lowest with this type because you will always question "What does she have that I don't?" If he says he will end his current "situation" to be you, just know he would do it again. Don't be surprised.
The Settler:
He's that man who wants to rush everything. "You're my wifey!" He says, on the first date. He wants to meet his future "mother in law" on the second date, and he already has the kids names picked out. He is usually older or he has experienced extreme moments in his life, so to him "life is too short to waste time". You will never feel comfortable, because he never takes the time out to truly be friends, or you'll question if he just want to be with anyone. Marriage is on his brain immediately.
Crazy, cause i don't ask for much. I'm a simple woman with a major vision and purpose. I just would like a man of God who just wants to get to know me as person, exchange the simple affections that men and women do, and the desire to have an important role in the play called LIFE, with the openness to see if i hold the qualities of being his other help mate. I stand by the philosophy that people come into your life to make you a better YOU. I want a man who will encourage me to stay true to me, passionate about my interests, and someone who will always be a sturdy truth and a soft refuge. So many times we give up our individuality for others, then when the timer goes off and the person has to move on, we are left with nothing or no one to comfort us. I don't believe in changing people but i do believe that when new characters enter a new scene of our lives, things do change and adapt according to the atmosphere and new elements presented.
It's not complicated! It's just a journey into the unknown. If you are true to your needs, desires, and boundaries, it's simple. Complexity only comes when we resist the process that is there to make us better individuals, or we apply games and rules to the mix. If you like someone, tell them. If you want to hear their voice, call them. If you want to be around them, ask them out. If they say no, it's not like you lost anything, because you didn't have it in the first place. We allow the ugliness of pride and juvenile games to come in and dictate our very moves. If things are not meant, then take it as a lesson learned and move on. Regardless of journey's bumps and bruises, I thank God for the tenderness and openness to new people and experiences. The perfect yet hardest solution to accept is to stop and let the King (God) have the driver seat. If I do what I must do as an individual and always conduct myself as a daughter of a king, then my prince will find me because i took the necessary steps towards my destiny. It will be simple, because it will be RIGHT.
With One Love,
-Pheli Speaks
It puzzles me... the elements of love, whether it's friends with benefits, someone you're dating, or someone you want to give your heart to. Regardless of all of that, i have come to the conclusion that love is a simple concept, but people make it complex and complicated. There are those who will cross your path in order to bring the needed experiences of the romantic sense for the sake of learning a lesson of life, as well as the benefits of companionship. Then there are the very few that provides us with long term connections, in order to nurture your character.
As a young woman who does not deal with the issues of marriage and children, I am not free of any frustrations regarding this love thing. The issues are different, but neither is greater than the other. Just to date someone becomes ridiculous. I'm a attractive plus size woman, stylish and lady-like. Regardless of my size, I get my share of attention, and I have a hand-full of admirers, but somehow trying to keep it simple, clear and honest is not reciprocated.
Surprising to some men I encounter, I strive to be a woman who lives by some old school values, when it comes to men and women. I believe that God made a man to lead and provide, and God created a woman to lift and build up. I also believe that a woman's tenderness should be shown to all the men in her life through kindness, regardless if that's your "boo" or not. I don't mind catering to a man who would not take my attention for granted. I believe in picking your battles carefully, because proving a point is not more important than a good relationship with someone I care about. Unfortunately, i have come across the same 4 types of men... the night crawler, the wounded traveller, the player, and the settler.
The Night Crawler:
He's what i call "the secret lover". He makes the booty calls in the late hour. He doesn't want to romance you, get to know much about you, or even be seen in the public with you. He just want the goodies and crawl into the unknown.
The Wounded Traveller:
He's the man that you want to rescue, because he was hurt by his last relationship, or by several bad connections, but he won't let you close enough to even dress the wounds. He rather hold up the invisible wall, in fear of being wounded again. There is no winning until HE decides to get up out of the wreckage of pain... you have no control of when.
The Player:
He's the man in a "situation" or better yet to say a relationship, whether it's with a girlfriend, wife, or several juggling prospects. He is questioning everything, curious about what you have to offer, yet still emotionally unavailable to make something happen. You feel the lowest with this type because you will always question "What does she have that I don't?" If he says he will end his current "situation" to be you, just know he would do it again. Don't be surprised.
The Settler:
He's that man who wants to rush everything. "You're my wifey!" He says, on the first date. He wants to meet his future "mother in law" on the second date, and he already has the kids names picked out. He is usually older or he has experienced extreme moments in his life, so to him "life is too short to waste time". You will never feel comfortable, because he never takes the time out to truly be friends, or you'll question if he just want to be with anyone. Marriage is on his brain immediately.
Crazy, cause i don't ask for much. I'm a simple woman with a major vision and purpose. I just would like a man of God who just wants to get to know me as person, exchange the simple affections that men and women do, and the desire to have an important role in the play called LIFE, with the openness to see if i hold the qualities of being his other help mate. I stand by the philosophy that people come into your life to make you a better YOU. I want a man who will encourage me to stay true to me, passionate about my interests, and someone who will always be a sturdy truth and a soft refuge. So many times we give up our individuality for others, then when the timer goes off and the person has to move on, we are left with nothing or no one to comfort us. I don't believe in changing people but i do believe that when new characters enter a new scene of our lives, things do change and adapt according to the atmosphere and new elements presented.
It's not complicated! It's just a journey into the unknown. If you are true to your needs, desires, and boundaries, it's simple. Complexity only comes when we resist the process that is there to make us better individuals, or we apply games and rules to the mix. If you like someone, tell them. If you want to hear their voice, call them. If you want to be around them, ask them out. If they say no, it's not like you lost anything, because you didn't have it in the first place. We allow the ugliness of pride and juvenile games to come in and dictate our very moves. If things are not meant, then take it as a lesson learned and move on. Regardless of journey's bumps and bruises, I thank God for the tenderness and openness to new people and experiences. The perfect yet hardest solution to accept is to stop and let the King (God) have the driver seat. If I do what I must do as an individual and always conduct myself as a daughter of a king, then my prince will find me because i took the necessary steps towards my destiny. It will be simple, because it will be RIGHT.
With One Love,
-Pheli Speaks
